Consequences of Pain

Being a human being can be extremely complicated. People swimming in a flood of pain often grab at anything they see in the water in an effort to save themselves. Sometimes, tragically, what they grab onto may actually drag them down – and may cause them to drag others down, as well. A new documentary film, Pray Away, demonstrates that one should never assume that those in pain who grasp at false cures for their pain are lost forever. 

Pray Away focusses on the story of Randy Thomas, former vice president of the now-defunct Exodus International, who was in pain because the environment in which he grew up insisted that one could not be gay and be “right with God.” So Mr. Thomas was convinced that conversion therapies could help him and others “pray away the gay.” Eventually, after years of urging people to change their sexual orientation and debating those who opposed the “Ex-Gay” Movement, the suicide of a close friend finally led him to conclude that the Movement he had dedicated himself to was based on something that simply was not true. He describes his journey here. 

In 2008, as Advocacy Chair for the Metro DC Chapter of PFLAG, I debated Randy Thomas on a local television program, NewsTalk, hosted by Bruce DePuyt. See transcript and commentary here. I think the transcript conveys the frustration Mr. Thomas felt in being challenged with the conclusions of the American Medical Association and other mainstream American medical and mental health professional associations – all of which rejected his premise. (I wish there was an extant audio or video of it.) He did not come over as a bad person. I felt bad for him. I am glad that Randy Thomas has seen the light. What his journey illustrates is that we should never simply assume that because someone has beliefs that seem to us hurtful and factually wrong, that they are irretrievable. 

I hope that others in pain, whatever that pain may be, who currently seek false remedies for their suffering will come around. Those who seek to bring facts – not fantasy – to the public discourse must approach those discussions with compassion and as much wisdom as they can muster.