Presentation at the Communities United Against Hate School Conference, October 7, 2017

COMMUNITIES UNITED AGAINST HATE (MONTGOMERY COUNTY MD)

SCHOOL CONFERENCE (Part I), October 7, 2017

REMARKS AT THE OPENING PLENARY SESSION

David Fishback, Maryland Advocacy Chair, Metro DC PFLAG

Many years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King preached these words:

"Hate distorts the personality of the hater.  We usually think of what hate does [to] the individual hated or the groups hated.  But it is even more tragic, it is even more ruinous and injurious to the individual who hates. 

 "You just begin hating somebody, and you will begin to do irrational things.  There is nothing more tragic than to see an individual whose heart is filled with hate.      

"Envy . . . , a lack of self-confidence, a feeling of insecurity . . . are all rooted in fear. 

"Is there a cure for these annoying fears that pervert our personal lives?

" Yes, a deep and abiding commitment to the way of love.  Perfect love casteth out fear.  Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear; only love can do that.  Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.  Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.  Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."

The words of Dr. King.

How do we get to this “perfect love”?

There is no silver bullet that will eliminate hate and its close cousin, ignorance.

While most people are good at heart, and see themselves as good people, it is also true that people tend to be tribal.

They tend to fear what is unfamiliar and what they do not understand.

So we must work to transcend tribalism and seek to help people understand, accept, and even embrace differences.

The good news in Montgomery County is, with respect to matters of sexual orientation and gender identity, that we have made great strides toward these goals in recent years.  These strides include accurate teaching about sexual orientation and gender identity in our secondary school health education classes and a set of clear anti-discrimination rules and excellent Guidance on Student Gender Identity matters. ALL MCPS staff are required to view a comprehensive video from a high-ranking MCPS official detailing MCPS policies.  The commitment of MCPS was demonstrated last winter when MCPS filed a friend of the court brief in the Supreme Court case involving the effort of a Virginia transgender student to be treated fairly, and by its clear recommitment to non-discrimination when the Trump Administration withdrew the federal guidelines on gender identity.

The sobering news is that we still have a way to go.  We have laws to protect people, we have excellent policies in our public schools to protect people.  And the adults in charge of our schools let students know that hate and bullying directed at LGBTQ students is wrong.  But we have not eliminated ignorance and hate.

Two PFLAG moms, Stephanie Kreps and Candice Haaga, have been meeting with dozens, perhaps hundreds, of LGBTQ students over the years, and they share the following observation:

Recently, when they ask students how things are going at school, the students say “fine.”  Then, after a few minutes, the students open up about the slurs and bullying they endure.  Not from most fellow students, but from more than a handful.  Sometimes these incidents are reported, sometimes not.  The “that’s so gay” trope – which once was used often without conscious understanding by the users as a slur – more and more has the intended hurtful meaning that the phrase suggests.  Sometimes the attacks are worse.  Sometimes, school personnel intervene, sometimes they may not even know the attacks occur.  While the official position of MCPS is foresquare against such hate, hate still rears its ugly head – although far less than in past years.  And, of course, the tragic incidents of the murders of young transgender people in our area reminds us that the work is not done.

Our challenge is to find ways to help the ill-informed lose their ignorance, to help haters shed their hate.  MCPS has done much to advance that cause, as have many in our community.  But there is still a way to go. 

One way may be to bring age-appropriate discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity into the elementary school health curriculum.  Another may be to highlight the contributions that LGBT people have made to the fabric that is America.  Just as African American History month seeks to inform our students of the contributions of African Americans – information which lessens ignorance – a similar focus on LGBT may also have a salutary result.  When our history and literature classes focus primarily on straight, white, cisgender Christian males, those who are not in that category can be seen as interlopers.  That is not good for anyone.  And it is bizarre when, as the MCPS enrollment figures show, our school population is probably less than 20% straight, white, cisgender, Christian, and male.

Again, there is no one silver bullet.  But we must continue to seek to advance what Civil Rights icon (and strong supporter of LGBTQ rights) John Lewis wisely calls the “Beloved Community.”