"We are enraged, but engaged": Views from the PFLAG/LGBT Community in the face of the incoming Trump Administration

Rolf Preisdorfer comforts his teenage son, Cyrus. Cyrus is straight, but fears what the Trump administration might mean for his two dads.

WAMU/Armando Trull

           Last month, WAMU reporter Armando Trull contacted the Metro DC Chapter of PFLAG office, asking if we could put together of a group of PFLAGers to talk about the incoming Trump Administration.  He had been interviewing many LGBT people in the D.C. area, and he wanted to include a PFLAG perspective.

            I contacted fellow PFLAGer (and founder of the Rainbow Youth Alliance) Stephanie Kreps, and we assembled a variety of people: White, Black, Hispanic; parents of adult LGBT children; parents of younger LGBT children; a high school transgender girl (and activist within her school); as well as a lesbian who, with her wife, have a four-year old child; and a gay married couple who are the parents of a boy they adopted as a baby 15 years ago.  The audio of Armando’s moving report led with the latter family and was broadcast on January 6.

            We met at Rockville Unitarian/Universalist Congregation on a chilly evening in late December.  All of us live in Montgomery County MD, a place where Donald Trump received less than 20% of the vote in November, and in which elected officials uniformly are supportive of LGBT rights and inclusion.  Since most of us did not know each other, we had our own introductory session before Armando joined us.  

            Everyone spoke lovingly of their families, and of the fact, as a result of hard work by so many, that by 2016, their loved ones have been so much more secure than in the past.  That LGBTQ people are free to be themselves and that, at least in our County and State, free from legal discrimination.  I truly believe that if all the people who voted for a President who is about to set the stage for a potential roll-back of so much progress made over the last decade and a half could have been in the room, most of them would have had second thoughts about what they have done.

            Each story brought me near to tears.

            Janine talked about her journey as a PFLAG mom and sister, and the attempts to reconcile with others in her family. 

            Nancy spoke about the challenges faced by her high school trans daughter Autumn, and Autumn spoke about the progress her school has made, and her role in moving that progress along – with the awareness that there is still work to do. 

            Zoila spoke about her positive journey with her now-first grade trans daughter, who has been welcomed for who she is in her local elementary school. 

            Stephanie, the mother of a young adult bi-sexual daughter and a young adult gay son, spoke about the fears they have (and the fears she and her husband have) for their futures in the new political atmosphere – noting that even in progressive Montgomery County there have been horrible hate crimes since the election, describing the beating of a friend of hers, a 70-year old gay man. 

            Jennifer, a Ph.D clinical psychologist, spoke of the life she and her wife have built, along with their young daughter, and of the process of achieving acceptance in her family.

            Dominic and Rolf spoke of their journey:  they have been together for more than 30 years, and married as soon as it became “legal.”  They spoke of their adoption of their son as a baby, and how proud they are of the young man he has become. 

            I related that my wife and I are the parents of two gay sons, both of whom are married, and that we are now the grandparents of a wonderful little girl who is growing up in an environment in which, at least so far, she sees no discrimination.  I expressed my concern, given the hatred that the campaign had unleashed, that LGBT people would become greater targets than they already are, along with so many other once (and perhaps once again) marginalized groups, even though Trump had not singled out LGBT people for invective.  Moreover, any hope that Trump might be a bulwark – or at least an impediment – to anti-LGBT public policy in the face of right-wing Republican congressional determination to role back the progress of the last dozen years – has disappeared as Trump put officials of the Family Research Council and their allies in charge of the presidential transition and has designated one anti-LGBT activist after another in charge of every domestic cabinet department. 

            Virtually everyone spoke of the fear they felt on election night, and in the weeks and months that have followed.  This fear goes beyond the anxiety people often feel when their candidate loses to someone with whom they disagree.  Rather, it is fear that strikes at the heart of safety and security they and their families have in their homes and communities.  They are keenly aware of how hard the struggle has been to achieve acceptance and equality before the law, and are fearful that all of this could be undone in the next few years.  Sadly, these fears are not unwarranted.

            Through both legislative and executive action and, ultimately, two more Supreme Court appointments, Trump and his allies promise to Make America Great Again by pretending to Make America Totally Straight Again. 

            And that is why, as much as we might wish we need not re-fight all the struggles of the last years, we must be prepared to make our case to our friends and our neighbors, so that we can bring simple humanity back to our politics and our government.  As Dominic said at our meeting, “We are enraged, but engaged.”

            We owe that to each other, to our families, and to everyone’s families.